the short and long of it.

finally i have the video up on the web, for the nerds: vimeo allowed my perfect picture and sound res.
but now its here... the amount of time i spent on this video; the ARGUMENTS that took place, and if argument is any allowance for disgust then i hope argument made you happy beacause it gets ill, dead babies, dead chillums ain't cool. so:


stop it with the cluster bombs and shallow hull landmines. be careful amongst camoflage im wrenching here...

heres the video complete (nerds hook it up...)
(<3sh)

if that dont work go here:

http://vimeo.com/913356/

thanks. love. famiglia.

legitimacy... of sorts.

Monsieur S*** M***
Nous avons bien reçu votre film HEARTS OF DARKNESS: A PAINTER'S APOCALYPSE
La conférence de presse annonçant les films sélectionnés pour le Festival de Cannes se déroule durant la seconde quinzaine d’avril.
Si votre film est sélectionné pour le Festival de Cannes, vous serez prévenu avant cette date.
Nous essayerons dans la mesure du possible de donner des réponses à tous les candidats avant la conférence de presse.

Cordialement,

Festival de Cannes
Département Films

______________________________________________________________________________________



Dear S*** M***

We have received your film HEARTS OF DARKNESS: A PAINTER'S APOCALYPSE
The press conference will be held in the last two weeks of April.
If your film is selected for the Festival de Cannes, you will be notified before the press conference we will do our best to notify all candidates before the press conference.

Yours sincerely,

Festival de Cannes
Film Department

there it is now its time to fucking paint, until my hands bleed, not much more video work to do, fuck the web right now, the knock, the paperwork, the identity is sealed.

getting softer.

so, the paintings begun, and you can view the individual photos of the work by clicking on the slideshow, i think?
its been a rough week, the weather was shit, ive been getting sick, cold, wet.
i became extremely disassociative before starting the hotel scene, and im surprised i made it this far, without francis giving me dope, but it was scary for the first time in years i was losing time, losing faith, acting out, but i gave myself 36 hours, and i think i pulled through, and however psychosomatic a painters logic can be, it was fucking frightening, i had thoughts of running to amsterdam, or nooses, and yes those jokes arent funny but they are what i was dealing with, im sitting in a hotel, a trained killer, questioning the shallow nature of a woman who doesnt understand me, while the real person who can kill me, "charlie, is squatting in the bush, getting stronger..." yeah thats a good place to be.
but heres the update, ive sketched the first fifty or so feet, the hardest scene in the movie, and i have 240 or so more feet (80m) to go... and im going.
im working outside, still wet, peeling gesso, grinding pigments on rocks, sealing cracks with cheap linseed oil, smashing found pastels to get brights and then, inside because of the fucking french spring, but "c'est la guerre, n'est ce pas?"
today tho was victorious, i think im the only painter ever to see frost on his painting, and try to save it... it was beautiful to see the frost when it was shining before it melted and i saved the craquelure with damar and oil.
the next scene is the mission, and han solo's in that shit, so thats easy, i can play games with harrison, its about time i get a break, and the shrimp, the honor of those fucking p(r)awns, let the absurdist logic take away my fears, i beg you.

first and 15

my canvas was puddled, gesso was like glue to my feet, and so i started acrylic underpainting, large brushes, the first three and a half minutes, the choppers flying through flare smoke, forest of the war, napalm strike, without much contrast in dark yet, it was too wet to get oils in there, but my release was blowing pigment as smoke at the end of my day. im exhausted. but it felt good to paint, or it felt horrible to paint as well. my body is killing me, my head hurts and i need to eat something, vikram will give me reiki soon, and people say ive used more color than theyve ever seen, so overall i think it was a good start, a good place to begin, the birds and river behind me, my feet red and yellow, my heart pounding at times, but friends coming to save me for smoke breaks, tho i had a cigarette in my mouth for the whole time. stuart advised me to put a tarp over it due to the shit weather we've been having, even tho i think i am detached and want the world to take this thing from me, its probably a good idea, ill post some snapshots later, after i recuperate.